LP
'That Home' Excerpt

out in the garden where we planted the seed
there is a tree as old as me
branches were sown by the color of green
ground had arose and passed it’s knees
by the cracks of it’s skin i climbed to the top
i climbed a tree
to see the world
and when the gust came around to blow me down
held on as tightly as you held on to me 
held on as tightly as
you held on to me 

Untitled

When I’m old and fading I want people to know that I’m not who they thought I was. I want people to remember how dark the sky was before the dawn. I want people to remember how hard it rained as I bled. I want people to understand that they understood nothing about me. I want people to realize that they didn’t have the key to the box with all my answers. I want people to feel everything I couldn’t. I want people to thrive - to life fully - to rise and fall and rise again to greater strength - to avoid bearing the inconvenience of pain and suffering so that I may instead. I want people to hate me for that. I want people to seed life and watch their own happiness blossom and when the flower of that life is fully sprung and ready to cross the threshold into death and decay, that I have already cleared and smoothed the path over. I want people to never forgive me for that. When I’m old and fading, I want people to have no choice but to force themselves to forget me or otherwise live with me forged permanently deep down inside them. When the time comes, I want people to know that I’m not who they that I was.

Untitled

I wonder where I am.
I wonder who I am.
Am I?

Daddy I’m going to grow up and become powerful and rich one day.

I wonder why I’m here.
I wonder why I got here.

What the hell? Don’t pester me.

I wonder how things got to this point.
I wonder what’s going to happen next.

Don’t be so fucking pathetic. Get up and keep moving or go home. Don’t let me compromise your dream. You’re better than that so take a hit and keep going.

I wonder when this will end.
I wonder when I’ll find home again.

Why the hell do you refuse to give up? I have nothing to give back and it’s starting to hurt.

I wonder if I’m doing this right.
I wonder if I’m doing this wrong.

Don’t quit. Please. You can’t quit now. My life depends on it.

Dad I think I’m home. You can leave now. Everyone can leave now. I’m better than everyone could ever fucking hope to be.

I wonder where I am.
I wonder who I am.
Am I?

No.
I’m lost. Deeply lost beyond hope for return.
I’m so far broken and in need of no repair.

Thank you. Thank you for fighting with me. I’ll be back. I swear on it. Don’t get lost. Please. It’s dangerous and lonely out there.

Are you listening?

Are you there?

Untitled

Excuse me for what I’ve done. Excuse me for what I’ve done and what I will become. Listen to me for what I cannot tell you and you just might be able to hear something you didn’t expect. Watch closely and you just might like what you see or sit around for a bit longer and you’ll realize the monster that I really am. Either way you won’t really get your money’s worth so my suggestion would be to choose wisely. Nobody needs another loose end and nobody needs another demon brought to life. Scary right? So go ahead. Time’s up. Make your move.

Untitled

Some days I wake up feeling like I’m in a dream. The pages seem to fold themselves. Never once has any man I’ve met lied in a bed of trust. Home is where the heart it. My heart rests at home somewhere towards the peak and it is oh so lonely at the top.

Untitled

without my scars
i am just a soldier
with no battle wounds
to remind me of the struggles
i had to face in order
to become victorious
in a war against myself

Untitled

my head is like the silver fish
imprisoned inside a giant luminous bowl
half full of murkiness and
the powerless current
of water and
I can’t swim

Magic Man - Texas

Hillsong United - Oceans Official Music Video

Music (Lyrical Poem Original 10/5/14)

across my deepest waters
where my feet may fail
music becomes my guide
holding me without borders
taking me farther 
than my feet could ever wander
as i walk upon my deepest waters

The thought of doing it was unconditionally frightening - not because of the repercussions, but more so because I didn’t know what to expect. I believe that, unlike many, I often find myself subdued to my own eagerness - an eagerness which I seem to always be chasing - an eagerness to feel what nobody can. There we were again outside Darley Commons sitting like hungry lions itching for some merry escapade. I remember stumbling through the field and began to see it - I could feel my mind crack a sliver out of its own shell - like it was being awoken from a hundred year slumber. I could see the patterns in the grass - the grids and how the invisible lines light up in array with one another. I remember walking through the field in front the high ropes course - a field that played and toiled with my mind - a seemingly endless stretch that alluded to my never ending life struggle. I remember absorbing everything. Everything. As if God or some divine entity was strobing the beauty of the world on display for the first time. I had the most powerful mind in the world and I was in sync with my 2 brothers. My heart spoke freely and endlessly and it frightened me in a way - I never really realized how much was trapped inside the bottle held in my chest - clusters. No. Mountains of emotion and mortality and pain and desire and happiness and solitude and love and regret and infatuation and thought all trapped inside me, waiting to explode in one spectacularly tragic fire show. I remember Reiter being my conscious half and Reidenour being the collected soul who bested life by taking everything without disdain or anguish. I found my fire and woke up to the flame fading blue this morning, but still burning nonetheless. I remember being enveloped and engulfed by the sky - the clouds thickening with every passing minute. You don’t know euphoria until you’ve experienced it like that. I will always remember. And being told it’s not over - that there was no way it could be over - that it never ended. And somehow still feeling in sync with my existence I realized that I do still love. That I want it back more than anything - that there’s no fucking way this lifetime would run around love like that to abandon it to the rocks of the past. Thus i will wait - 1 hour, 10 days, 20 years if need be - however long it takes but will never spend a moment in regret during that time because I still have hope. And hope is all I need. I woke up this morning in a field behind Will Vill and it was the the greatest experience ever.

If we could’ve just taken shrooms together we would’ve been saved
I love my 2 brothers
I know how wallstreet works. I can seethe system. At least that’s how I feel and that’s how im trying to describe it

Why am I oo didn’t even finish this thought earlier

lllnomadlll:

Bukowski | 40x50cm | Graphite on paper
If it doesn’t come bursting out of you in spite of everything, don’t do it.
Unless it comes unasked out of your heart and your mind and your mouth and your gut, don’t do it.

If you’re doing it for money or fame, don’t do it.

If you’re doing it because you want women in your bed,
 don’t do it.
If it’s hard work just thinking about doing it,
 don’t do it.
If you have to wait for it to roar out of you, 
then wait patiently.
If it never does roar out of you,
 do something else.


Unless it comes out of your soul like a rocket, 
unless being still would drive you to madness or suicide or murder, don’t do it.
Unless the sun inside you is burning your gut, don’t do it.
When it is truly time,
 and if you have been chosen, It will do it by itself
and it will keep on doing it until you die 
or it dies in you.
There is no other way.


And there never was.
Charles Bukowski
Artprint available here
For more of my art visit me here:
Website | Facebook | Instagram | Pinterest

lllnomadlll:

Bukowski | 40x50cm | Graphite on paper

If it doesn’t come bursting out of you in spite of everything, don’t do it.

Unless it comes unasked out of your heart and your mind and your mouth and your gut, don’t do it.


If you’re doing it for money or fame, don’t do it.


If you’re doing it because you want women in your bed,
 don’t do it.

If it’s hard work just thinking about doing it,
 don’t do it.

If you have to wait for it to roar out of you, 
then wait patiently.

If it never does roar out of you,
 do something else.



Unless it comes out of your soul like a rocket, 

unless being still would drive you to madness or suicide or murder, don’t do it.

Unless the sun inside you is burning your gut, don’t do it.

When it is truly time,
 and if you have been chosen, It will do it by itself

and it will keep on doing it until you die 

or it dies in you.

There is no other way.



And there never was.

Charles Bukowski

Artprint available here

For more of my art visit me here:

Website Facebook | Instagram | Pinterest